Director’s cut

The file in my cabinet drawer marked ‘Old Drafts’ has more stapled papers in it than any other file my work space. I have written more rejected, revised, corrected drafts than I have ever submitted to my supervisor. I kept them as souvenirs of my Director’s Cut. Who knows if disaster strikes and I lose all my work one foul day, I can still piece them together like a jigsaw puzzle from that drawer.

My day job: I write easily and painlessly these days. The effortlessness makes me feel like I’m not working properly. I conceive whole paragraphs in my head already constructed rather than compose them word by word. I type really fast to copy them down before they scroll away. I’m like a child at Primary School copying loads of meaningless lines off the blackboard into my book. Only when I read them back do I see the clarity of insight and originality of thought. Where did all that come from?

No back-ache; no sore neck; no stiff fingers. It’s so easy. I can play music, talk on the phone, go for long walks and still copy down the paragraphs from the screen in my mind with comfort and ease. I almost feel guilty that I should be working harder, suffering more, agonising over the right words.

Recreation: I went clothes shopping with my daughter. We laughed and hugged. We came home with bags of everything we didn’t set out to buy and nothing we intended to get.

Motto for the day:
Limit the frustration too much choice can cause.
Know which choices are worth your time and which are not.
Often you are choosing between two equally fine possibilities.
Choose, Act. Enjoy.
from Stepanie Dowrick

I dare to enjoy myself.