Resistance and Writers Bloc

My current task is to write about the effects of the post-war assimilation years on immigrants. My problem is that friends and family believe they assimilated very well and are proud of it. My job is to demonise the assimilationist ideology, to suggest that they did the wrong thing, lived improperly, lived a lie because they ‘went underground’ with their culture and mother-tongue and never really assimilated. They lived in denial, marginalised themselves, and distanced themselves from their offspring.

Resistance raises its ugly head and my writing procrastination sets in.

Resistance is my inner small child tugging persistently at my skirt. She springs from my subconscious anxieties and signals danger, don’t go there. It is too dangerous to reveal the content of my work. I ask myself, why is it so hard? My conscious mind wants to proceed but my subconscious urges are much stronger. To use willpower to overcome my bloc is a flawed concept, a Dr-Phil-on-Oprah bullying millions of viewers to set goals and start working on them while they burst into tears and wail that his theories don’t work or they smile in self-denial and choose to remain silent when they ought to speak. Expel the bully, crush-the-Dr-Phil.

My inner psyche can only be seduced with kindness and gentleness. The subconscious mind responds best to pleasure and seduction not seven-step goals. Decisive action only increases resistance anxiety. So now when resistance comes tugging at my skirt I am curious and gentle. I listen to the little voice that says, don’t go there for it feels too dangerous. I coax her ever so gently and encourage her to connect to me, with ease and comfort, rather than tug away from her and leave my computer to do the laundry or make yet another cup of coffee.

I ask her ever so gently, what does the danger stand for? Separation anxiety, yes that’s it. My beliefs about the community’s ‘false assimilation’ endanger my relationship with them. I see their ‘dilemma’. They call it ‘successful settlement.’ The threat of exclusion looms ahead. Should I be confrontational in my writing? Should I risk losing the connectedness I worked so hard to build up? Do I proceed into the darkness of the cave to face the dragon? I hear the sharp criticism of the parent voice in my psyche. I want to be comforted, reassured, not criticised. I seek love and approval. Separation anxiety is my problem. If I write the wrong content in my thesis, my case study subjects will be filled with hate and disapproval.

How can I overcome my writer’s bloc? The same way I would enter the forbidden cave – with curiosity and ever so gently. That’s my style in life – slow and gentle. That’s how I need to write.

I choose to write about assimilation ever so gently.

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